


Lost In Paradise

by cataclysmicconniption



Series: Unexpected Chemistry [13]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 17:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cataclysmicconniption/pseuds/cataclysmicconniption
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Koujaku dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost In Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> We knew this moment would come.

Koujaku sleeps in one morning, and it's only strange because Noiz finds him still sleeping in bed after noon on a sunny day in Midorijima, something the older man always hates to do. So, Noiz decides to wake him because that's what husbands do right?

He calls out to Koujaku once -- nothing.

He says his name louder -- Koujaku doesn't move.

Annoyed, Noiz yells loud enough to start up Beni and his P!Cube.

Still, Koujaku doesn't move, his eyes closed and mouth opened slightly.

"Oi, are you ignoring me?" Noiz asks as he makes his way over to Koujaku's side. Sometimes the older man would tune his lover out on purpose until he came over to touch him, only to capture him in a good morning hug and kiss. "Oi, old man."

No response.

Noiz grits his teeth, suddenly out of patience. Grabbing the sheets, he yanks them off the bed and onto the floor. Koujaku doesn't move or show any sign of being disturbed; he just lays there, sleeping still.

"Seriously, old man, answer me." Noiz says as he touches Koujaku's arm only to pull away sharply. Koujaku's skin doesn't feel the same -- not the usual warmth Noiz has recognized out over the years, but cold, icy cold.

Eyes wide, Noiz looks at Koujaku then, really looks at him.

Koujaku doesn't look the same either. Not like he did last night. His skin has a grayish tint to it, nothing like the healthy tan he's always had. His hair is dull and limp looking, lacking its healthy shine. His brows are furrowed slightly, almost as if he was, at one point, in pain. His chest doesn't rise. His body doesn't move, not even now.

He's completely still.

Feeling something rise in his throat, Noiz touches Koujaku again -- gently this time.

Nothing.

"... Old man?"

Nothing.

-

The doctors say it was cardiomyopathy or something like that. Noiz doesn't listen nor does he care. His mind is blank and nothing is sinking in. One moment he's cooking breakfast, the next he's standing in the halls of the hospital surrounded by friends, family, and doctors.

It doesn't help that Clear and Aoba are crying and freaking out the most or that Mink and Mizuki can barely keep themselves together either. It doesn't do anyone any good when the members of Benishigure start yelling and calling the doctors liars and telling them that there must be something they can do.

It doesn't help and it isn't fair, Noiz thinks as he bolts out of there. Away from the tears, away from the yelling, away from the white.

Away.

Away.

Away.

He's the only one that doesn't feel anything, and it's not fair at all.

-

The funeral comes so quickly, almost at the blink of an eye.

Aoba sets the whole thing up. He's known Koujaku the longest -- so what if Koujaku and Noiz just celebrated their 10th anniversary last month? -- and Noiz honestly has no idea what to do. Aoba understands more than anyone what Noiz means and promises to do a beautiful job. It's almost phenomenal to see Aoba be so calm on this very day after crying everyday since he heard the news.

A lot of people come, mostly Koujaku's fan-club.

Some Noiz knows, and some he doesn't.

They leave the casket close. It's already painful enough.

The session isn't long and no one really talks. They just cry and hug each other and laugh and cry some more. Noiz isn't sure what to do or say, so he just stands in the back and watches the sea of black suits and dresses move around the already small room. Once in a while, Clear and Aoba will check on him though they don't look any better with their own red eyes, pale faces, tired and pained expressions. Noiz wants them to go home -- for everyone to go home -- so that he can be alone, but he doesn't say anything.

Who is he to stop everyone from saying their last good-byes?

Eventually, everyone does leave though. They leave bouquets and sake sets and their blessings, especially to Noiz.

"So young, you poor thing."

"May God Bless you, child."

"Oh God, you must be hurting..."

Noiz stares straight-ahead and bows when he needs to with each passing guest. The words stay in the back of his mind until the last guest, a woman that was a customer at Koujaku's salon regularly, leaves a big bouquet of tiger lilies on the casket. Her cries can be heard, even over the closing of the door.

-

It's all a blur after that. Noiz doesn't remember telling Aoba and the others good-bye. He doesn't remember walking home or stumbling into the now one-person apartment. He doesn't remember turning on the lights or sitting on the sofa and closing his eyes.

He doesn't remember.

-

"... You'll catch a cold if you sleep here."

Noiz opens his eyes a little and starts when he sees Koujaku sitting beside him. The older man is smiling at him, his arms folded loosely. His hair is tied back and he's wearing that kimono Noiz bought him on their fifth anniversary -- the one Aoba buried him in. It was his favorite.

"Old man..."

"I guess I got unlucky in the end huh? I didn't even see this coming," Koujaku laughs, staring straight-ahead. "I wondered what went wrong. Maybe I should've skipped the sake... or not had that take-out."

"Old man..."

"I bet you thought I was playing a trick on you huh? Thought I was going to hug and kiss you good morning too."

"... Old man..."

"Let me guess: Aoba did all the arrangements? That would explain the kimono then. He didn't cry too hard, did he?"

"Old man..."

"And what about everyone else? They probably took it badly too yeah? They probably just yelled and tried to deny it all --"

"Old man!"

Koujaku falls silent, still staring ahead. His smile is gone now, more of a grimace -- like the one he had in his sleep. He turns to Noiz then and the younger man is surprised at the tears falling from his eyes. They make Koujaku's eyes shine like rubies in the sun. It's too beautiful for words.

"... I'm sorry, Noiz. I'm sorry. I was always ready to die when I was young because of what happened with Ryuuhou. I never thought about changing my life or thinking that I would survive but... then I met you. You've always been such a pain in the ass and a spoiled brat, but you... you made forget about death. You made my life wonderful, and now... now I can't give you a wonderful life in return!"

Noiz reaches out to Koujaku -- anything to stop those tears -- but watches as his hand fazes through his husband. Koujaku smiles bitterly as he starts to fade away, his eyes still shining.

"It'll hurt for a while. Hurt like Hell, but you're strong, Noiz. So strong. Live every day for the both of us. Talk to Aoba and everyone. Don't keep to yourself, and don't stay in the past. Move forward, Noiz... I love you."

-

Noiz opens his eyes slowly and blinks. The sun is shining, and he can hear people talking downstairs. Stretching, Noiz looks around. The house is quiet, the familiar smell of tobacco faint. There's no sound of someone else in the shower or in the kitchen, no strong smell of hairspray or shampoo.

Noiz hurries through the living room and down the hall. His heart beats wildly in his chest and he can't explain the sudden pain in his gut. He feels sick and scared and lonely and angry and so many other things as his mind whirs on and on.

Koujaku's cooking. Koujaku's yelling. Koujaku's laughter. Koujaku. Koujaku. Koujaku. Koujaku. KoujakuKoujakuKoujakuKoujakuKoujaku.

Dead.

Koujaku's dead.

"Old man!"

Noiz stops at the doorway to the bedroom -- their bedroom. The sheets are still on the floor from when he ripped them off a week ago. Everything is still disarray. The room is frozen in time.

Noiz makes his way over to the bed and sits down, pulling the sheets up off the floor. He lets the soft silk slip and slide along his fingers before pressing them against his nose. The faint, earthy scent of Koujaku is still there, present forever more.

... I love you.

"..."

Noiz can't hold the gasp that escapes as his body shakes and his eyes burn. He doesn't want to acknowledge the sudden wetness on the sheets or the unbearable pain on his heart. He doesn't want to think about tomorrow or the next day and how he is going to make it.

"Old man... Koujaku..."

He just wants everything to be right again.


End file.
